Mixtape #117: Life Used To Be So Hard

Songs for an early boy

September 4th, 2022

Side A

1. Our House by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
2. I Will by The Beatles
3. Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright by Bob Dylan
4. Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches
5. Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

Side B

6. In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel
7. These Days by Nico
8. Let It Be by The Beatles
9. Moon River by Audrey Hepburn
10. Christopher Robin is Saying His Prayers by Vera Lynn

Spotify

Liner notes

Rafe Dylan Spinks was seven weeks early. If you’ve ever met his dad you’ll know that being ahead of schedule wasn’t a paternal inheritance. Like his last name, perhaps he also got his timekeeping from his mother.

He was due August 13th and arrived June 28th. Perfectly healthy – all parts present and countable – just marching to his own tempo, unwilling to be defined such things as trivial as due dates.

People often ask us if we know why he was early. With preterm babies, especially those without any established risks, there’s often no way to know.

So we tell them he was simply ready to be here.

Being seven weeks too soon is not without its complications, though. For one there was a chance the lungs wouldn’t work, and at 33 weeks, we knew he wouldn’t be able to breastfeed just yet.

The former we needn’t have worried about. His lungs work, alright. And how! Wicked set of pipes on him, this boy.

The latter took a bit of time – preterm babies needs to develop the ability to latch – and while we waited for him to learn, Rafe convalesced at the pleasure of the Special Care Baby Unit at QEQM Hospital in Margate.

So for ten days he slept in a ward and fed from a tube and his mum and I spent as many waking moments as we could with him on our chests, giving him all the benefits of skin-to-skin; immunity, oxytocin, warmth etc.

And for a good chunk of time during those visits we sat and sang together. Well we sang, he listened.

Here are some of the songs we liked to sing best, some mine, some Rosie’s, some ours.

Our House is still my go-to song when he’s unsettled, nearly 10 weeks later. Most of the time he’s calm by the end of the first verse. A daily reminder of the power of music.

Christopher Robin (aka Vespers) was the very first song I sang to him, a gentle parting his first night in the world, the first night we had to leave him alone in the hospital, afraid and unsure how long it’d be before we could bring him home.

It’s the song my Nana used to sing to me. And amid the screaming pre-term babies, the frazzled parents, the strange wires and alarms, it helped me stay calm so I could help Rafe stay calm. Perhaps in that moment we helped each other.

That he was able to leave the SCBU in record time, and that he’s as chill a baby as he is I think has something to do with that first night.

And, of course, the music.

Dan x